This post is so gay.

Don't worry, I'm not about to turn this into a knitting blog or anything. I just felt like putting these up here because I thought they actually turned out pretty well, and that's rare. Plus, as you may have noticed, I've been trying very hard not to post anything substantive lately.

Not that I ever post anything substantive, but you know what I mean...

Anyway, here are a couple of my latest projects. N.O. asked me to make him some golf club covers, and he wanted them to be pretty obnoxious, so here they are.

They would also make good maraca covers.

Irritating, aren't they? (The stripes signify the number of the club.) I just might have to knit him a matching tam-o-shanter--then his obnoxious golfing gear would be complete! Incidentally, he was unable to explain to my satisfaction why some clubs need covers and some don't. But then, maybe he did explain and I just wasn't listening.

This is the baby blanket I just made for my niece Lillie. I wish I could convey to you how soft it is. (It's made from wool-blend yarns that are just unbelievable. Maybe it's best you don't mention to N.O. how expensive these yarns are, 'kay?) Downside: What kind of idiot makes a hand-wash-only blanket for a BABY? This kind of idiot. Yeah.

Anyway, I changed up some stuff in the pattern to make it rufflier. The result is it's very girly, though it also looks a little like a lasagna noodle. The peaches-and-cream colors will be gorgeous next to Lillian's skin, though. She's SO CUTE.

How cute is she, you ask? Exactly this cute:

And when she falls asleep with her (no, seriously) favorite toy, an old phone cord, she's this cute:

Know who else is cute? My nephew Zachary.

So bad, it's BAAAAAADDDDDDD!

If you're cool, you've already heard of Snakes on a Plane, the awesomely-titled 2006 summer shlockfest starring Samuel L. Jackson.


In case you're lame, here's an article, the imdb page, the trailer, two blogs, the Wikipedia entry, a funny celebrity impersonator's "Early Auditions" reel, and the story that makes it all so cool--how Samuel L. Jackson pretty much demanded that the title remain Snakes on a Plane, which is, let's face it, the only reason anyone has ever heard of this movie or ever will.

Oh, and the official site, if you're into that kind of thing.

Ladies and Gentlemen, you heard it here first.

I do believe I have started a meme. Today msn.com has a link to a video of a Friday morning Today show segment entitled...

It is a nifty little piece. Apparently, we are on the hirsute cusp of a societal sea-change. I would just like to remind you that your first harbinger of this burgeoning cultural phenomenon was right here at An Awfully Big Adventure, with my January post, "My Boldest Prediction Yet."

I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of this development. My boldest prediction for 2006 turned out to be fulfilled (or at least bolstered) before the end of March! I really should have started a betting pool...

Before they were LOST!

On the lighter side, check out these fun videos that have surfaced on the internet recently. The first two are Evangeline Lilly back when she was just a struggling Canadian actress slumming it on "live phone chat" commercials. To her credit, they're not nearly as porny as some I've seen...






And here's a terrifying one... Josh Holloway in a grating Old Navy ad. Probably wasn't all that long ago...



Of course, we all know about Dominic Monaghan's embarrassing past... those dumb hobbit movies.

On the brink.

OK, I haven't actually been writing on here much lately, because I don't know what to say. N.O. and I are in a pretty scary place in our lives right now. Not with each other--we're really, really happy, and are, in fact, rapidly approaching our first anniversary next Sunday! (Which is really hard to believe!)

No, it's just that life, for us, is getting really scary because everything's really up in the air and we have spent the last four or five months literally not knowing where we will be living, what we will be doing, or what we will be living on at the end of the summer. We've gotten pretty soft and complacent recently... not that we're living in the lap of luxury or anything. We have just really started to appreciate nice things and a comfy apartment. And now we're going to have to make some sacrifices in order to follow our dreams.

Long story short--we've both been accepted into grad school (N.O.--MBA, me--MA in Journalism) at the school of our choice (which was also the school of our choice back in 1997 and 1998, respectively). So, now we enter into the terrifying and tedious process of waiting for our financial aid award letters and, then, probably, doing some wangling for graduate assistantships and other financial aid, to see if we can really make this all happen.

Best case scenario: our income next year is half what it was this year. Worst case scenario is much, much worse.

Incidentally, we are aware that a married couple trying to go to grad school at the same time is, rightly, considered fundamentally insane. But it's pretty much now or never, and a lifetime of not being stuck in dead-end jobs is worth two years of privation, right?

So, anyway, please pray for us that we will find the right path and that our eyes will be opened to it, whatever it is--even if it's not what we want!

I'm not sure what demographic McDonald's is trying to grab here...

The skeevy hobo demographic?

The "Little girl, have you seen my puppy?" demographic?

The "Love child of Art Garfunkel and Beck" demographic?

'Cause, man.

All we are saying...

...is give Mercedes a chance!

From the people who brought you "schadenfreude."

Here's a fun little word for you. Those Germans are so good at making up words, especially really gloomy ones. See if you can find a way to work this one into your conversation this weekend! It shouldn't be too hard--don't we all feel a little weltschmerz from time to time?

weltschmerz (VELT-shmerts) noun World weariness; pessimism, apathy, or sadness felt at the difference between physical reality and the ideal state. [From German Weltschmerz, from Welt (world) + Schmerz (pain).]

The shepherd and the sheep.

I'm signed up for a weekly devotional email from Skip Ryan at PCPC. It's always good, but this week's is especially interesting. It's a really thought-provoking insight into the sheep/shepherd metaphor. Check it out.

Happy weekend!

Half-Pint has Typhoid.

I don't know exactly what triggered this synapse firing, but this evening after our nightly round of Jeopardy, I looked over at N.O. and asked, "Do you think we could play Oregon Trail online?" We shortly discovered that the answer is yes; and, if you want to play OLD SCHOOL Oregon Trail, there's only one place to go: here.* Within mere moments, we were bartering, starving, and fording our way to the Promised Land. Sure, 4/5 of us died en route. But somewhere along the way, we also learned a little something about suffering, economics, Manifest Destiny, and love.

Luckily, N.O. is very good at hunting with arrows (I mean the keyboard kind), which saved us all from starvation. Actually, it only saved him from starvation. I think I died of a broken arm. But whatever. I outlasted most of the oxen.

Die, Tree! Die!

I highly recommend wasting a few valuable hours re-living your elementary school years with this game. The insanely dated graphics and super-cheesy music will send your senses reeling backward in time. Somehow, it even smells like 1988.

Happy Trails.

*By the way, the above-linked website also has lots of other cool old games, like Pitfall, Pac-Man, and Frogger. Stupid frog.

This one's just too easy.

You can't believe everything you read, folks. Take this item, for instance:

Are Ford and Flockhart Engaged?
Harrison Ford has proposed to longtime girlfriend Calista Flockhart over coffee and croissants, according to media reports in America. Weekly publication In Touch is reporting Ford hid a two-carat diamond engagement ring in a bakery bag, so the actress would find it as she reached for a croissant. A source tells the magazine, "When Calista reached in the bag she found a gorgeous two-carat diamond from Tiffany's." Flockhart's publicists insist the engagement story isn't true, and the couple, who have been together for four years, are not planning to wed anytime soon.

Of COURSE this isn't true! Calista Flockhart reaching her emaciated claw into a bakery bag?! Never--not even for a diamond ring.

Ten-Cents-on-the-Dollar A-Dub!

I think I have it in me to become one of those terrifying women who get all worked up about major sales and caught up in the thrill of the hunt.

Last week, at one of my favorite places, a craft/arts supply mecca that for the sake of anonymity I'll call the MaryJo Superstore on Preston & Forrest, I discovered Christmas wreaths at 90% off. Pretty, pre-lit wreaths. Sure, it's March. But you don't pass up an opportunity to buy something that's regularly $19.99 for only $1.99! That would be insane! Besides, these are things I can really see myself using--I was just too cheap to pay $19.99 for them the first time around. I bought three for myself and another five for my crafty mom, and went home feeling very proud.

A few days later, at another MaryJo store (Mockingbird and Abrams) --don't make fun, they're very different stores!-- I discovered another miracle! GORGEOUS Christmas wrapping paper for 90% off. For those of you who don't know, wrapping paper, especially the cool designs like these were, can get really expensive. These were big, beautiful rolls for $0.39 - $0.99 each! I bought four for myself, then called my mom and sisters to see how many they wanted. Over the next two days, I went back four times. I ended up buying over 20 rolls. But it's cool, because I only spent like $13! At prices like those, they're practically paying YOU to take it away!

Now I'm feeling smart. I mean, yeah, right now it's just something to store, but this stuff is really going to start paying dividends next Christmas when I have beautiful wreaths to decorate and gorgeous wrapping paper to wrap stuff in, and all of it for mere pennies. I'm starting to get a little high each time I look at one of those receipts and see the savings!

So imagine my delight yesterday afternoon... the place I'm working right now, Everycity Children's Museum, is located inside a mall. To minimize the distance I have to walk through said mall, I park outside a department store. Let's call it "BJ Nickels." Nickels has had a slightly frumpy reputation over the past few years, but they've really stepped it up lately with some very hip, young fashions. Really cute stuff! I've been noticing this every day when I walk through. But I hadn't gotten around to buying anything until yesterday. When I saw a rack with a sign on top. Actually, it was more of a beacon. And it might as well have had my name on it. The sign read:

$2.77

That's right. Everything on this clearance rack is $2.77. Sweaters. Skirts. Cardigans. Pants. $2.77 each! I bought a slew of sweaters yesterday afternoon. Yes, they're on their way out of season, but they're CUTE! And they'll still be cute next year!!! This morning, on my way in to work, I bought a couple more sweaters, a tank top, and some pants. My total for these two days' worth of shopping was a mere $23! I'm geting excited just thinking about it. But the biggest thrill of all came a bit later, when I looked at my receipt.

"Pastel cardigan," it read. "Regular price $50.00. Clearance price $2.77"

My friends, that's a savings of over 95%.

And at the bottom of the receipt: "Total: $11.99. Your total savings today: $136.92."

I could get used to this.

New Words

I wouldn't normally post something from an email forward, but a few of these are actually funny...

1. *BLAMESTORMING *: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. *SEAGULL MANAGER *: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. *ASSMOSIS *: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
4. *SALMON DAY *: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstreamonly to get screwed and die in the end.
5. *CUBE FARM *: An office filled with cubicles.
6. *PRAIRIE DOGGING *: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
7. *MOUSE POTATO *: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
8. *SITCOMs *: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. *STRESS PUPPY *: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. *SWIPEOUT *: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. *XEROX SUBSIDY *: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. *IRRITAINMENT *: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding(or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another...
13. *PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE *: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. *ADMINISPHERE *: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. *404 *: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. *GENERICA *: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. *OHNOSECOND *: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake)
18. *WOOFS *: Well-Off Older Folks.

Mango Pork Fajitas with Chipotle Sour Cream

Disclaimer: This post isn't anything funny or entertaining. Just a really fabulous recipe to keep in your arsenal. Make it for your parents! They'll be so impressed.

The other night, N.O. got back into town after being on a business trip for a week, so we decided to try a new recipe we found online. It was delicious, but the best thing about it is that it seems very fancy and impressive, while at the same time being incredibly quick and EASY to make. So I thought I'd share it. The only things we did differently were use a different cut of meat (we already had some thick pork chops in the freezer) and leave out the cilantro (Central Market had run out just before I got there).

mmmmmmmm

Mango Pork Fajitas with Chipotle Sour Cream

1 lb pork tenderloin, cut into 1/2-inch thick strips
2 tsp purchased taco seasoning mix
2 tsp oil
1/2 medium onion, sliced
1 small red bell pepper, seeded and sliced
1 cup fresh ripe mango chunks
4 flour tortillas, warmed

1 cup light sour cream
2 tsp minced canned chipotle chiles in adobo sauce
1/4 cup minced fresh cilantro
1 garlic clove, minced

Chipotle Sour Cream: In medium bowl, combine sour cream, chipotle chiles, cilantro and garlic. Mix until well blended. Cover and refrigerate several hours to let flavors marry.

Toss pork strips with taco seasoning to coat evenly. Heat oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat; add pork strips, onion and pepper to skillet; stir-fry for 3-5 minutes. Divide pork mixture and mango chunks into four equal parts; roll up in warmed tortillas. Serve with Chipotle Sour Cream.

Serves 4.

Serving suggestions
Fajitas with a fruity twist. Make the sour cream the day before so the flavors can marry. To easily slice tenderloin, wrap in plastic wrap and place in freezer for 30 - 45 minutes.

Nutrition Facts:
430 calories
14 grams fat
42 grams carbohydrates
33 grams protein

HAPPY TEXAS INDEPENDENCE DAY!

March 2, 1836

Eat some chili, whistle at a Mockingbird, sit under a pecan tree, and be thankful you live in the greatest place on earth.

A timeline of early Texas history can be found here. The Texas Declaration of Independence can be found here.

Mardi Gras-Ravaged New Orleans Begins Slow Healing Process

March 1, 2006.*

It has undeniably been a tough year for New Orleans residents. First there was the devastation of Hurricane Katrina and the firestorm of controversy that followed. Since, there have been six long months of cleaning and rebuilding. Now, just when they thought the worst was behind them, residents of the Big Easy are faced with yet another challenge--the filth and chaos left in the wake of this week's Carnival celebrations.

"I had gotten pretty used to streets filled with trash and debris, but, ironically, the French Quarter had been relatively clean [before Carnival]," says lifelong New Orleans resident Maxie Thibedeaux. "But look at this--the streets are literally running with urine, vomit, and alcohol. I saw a swarm of rats outside Cafe du Monde this morning. And I think they were drunk! Where is FEMA? I just want to know why President Bush isn't doing more about this devastation."

A few dozen residents took to the streets with homemade banners and signs on Wednesday morning, demanding federal assistance. One picketer carried a sign that read "Bush Hates Drunks."

In a statement, President Bush responded to the criticism: "Wait... I thought Mardi Gras was going to be good for New Orleans--boost morale and all that. They made such a big deal out of it. What do these people want from me?!"

Juan Fourchette, one of the protesters, responded, "These people? These people?! Typical of Bush's plantation attitude. Why doesn't he just put us up for auction to the highest bidder?" Fourchette, who is white, added, "It's easy to sit up there in the White House, ignoring us and our problems. But look around you--there are mosquitoes the size of your face! It gets really hot in the summer, and there are alligators in the swamps. When is the government going to start addressing these issues?"

Others took a more resigned attitude to the latest destruction. New Orleans resident of five years Queenie Arroz, dazedly picking confetti out of her hair, was heard to remark, "Kinda makes you wish another hurricane would come along and wash all this mess on out to the Gulf [of Mexico]."



*I hereby humbly acknowledge that this post is a blatant rip-off of posts by M. Fourchette, who does it better.