Mardi Gras-Ravaged New Orleans Begins Slow Healing Process

March 1, 2006.*

It has undeniably been a tough year for New Orleans residents. First there was the devastation of Hurricane Katrina and the firestorm of controversy that followed. Since, there have been six long months of cleaning and rebuilding. Now, just when they thought the worst was behind them, residents of the Big Easy are faced with yet another challenge--the filth and chaos left in the wake of this week's Carnival celebrations.

"I had gotten pretty used to streets filled with trash and debris, but, ironically, the French Quarter had been relatively clean [before Carnival]," says lifelong New Orleans resident Maxie Thibedeaux. "But look at this--the streets are literally running with urine, vomit, and alcohol. I saw a swarm of rats outside Cafe du Monde this morning. And I think they were drunk! Where is FEMA? I just want to know why President Bush isn't doing more about this devastation."

A few dozen residents took to the streets with homemade banners and signs on Wednesday morning, demanding federal assistance. One picketer carried a sign that read "Bush Hates Drunks."

In a statement, President Bush responded to the criticism: "Wait... I thought Mardi Gras was going to be good for New Orleans--boost morale and all that. They made such a big deal out of it. What do these people want from me?!"

Juan Fourchette, one of the protesters, responded, "These people? These people?! Typical of Bush's plantation attitude. Why doesn't he just put us up for auction to the highest bidder?" Fourchette, who is white, added, "It's easy to sit up there in the White House, ignoring us and our problems. But look around you--there are mosquitoes the size of your face! It gets really hot in the summer, and there are alligators in the swamps. When is the government going to start addressing these issues?"

Others took a more resigned attitude to the latest destruction. New Orleans resident of five years Queenie Arroz, dazedly picking confetti out of her hair, was heard to remark, "Kinda makes you wish another hurricane would come along and wash all this mess on out to the Gulf [of Mexico]."



*I hereby humbly acknowledge that this post is a blatant rip-off of posts by M. Fourchette, who does it better.