On Hiatus.

Much like your favorite sitcom, An Awfully Big Adventure is embarking on a summer hiatus. This one won't last the whole summer, of course. More like a week--ten days, tops. Tomorrow N.O. and I close on our new house in Wackytown (please pray for us--we've never done this before!) and then I'll be taking the week off to visit with my family and begin moving some of our stuff to the new place. Then it's back to Everycity for a couple of weeks before making the final move back to the old stomping grounds.

And then, I'll be blogging from a whole new perspective, not only as a first-time homeowner, but also a landlord! (Our new place is a triplex--we will live in one unit and rent out the other two, so we will have four tenants!) And, in the fall, of course, we both begin grad school. Things are about to get pretty interesting around here! (I hope so, anyway. This has been a blog about nothing for way too long.)

So, anyway, see ya in about a week.

In the meantime, some washed-up has-been wishes you a helluva weekend, I wish this great country a happy 230th birthday, and, just for the heck of it, here's an adorable picture of a kitten with a bow on its head:

A Sidmummer Night's Dream: The Musical: The Review

OK, so N.O. and I viewed Forky's show on Tuesday night, and what a fine night for it! Nice cool breeze and a big, happy crowd. Here's my capsule review. I know you've all been waiting with bated breath.

The best way I can think of to describe this show is that it's like a bag of Skittles. Colorful, fun, fruity candy. Shakespeare purists need not attend--there are a lot of liberties taken with this work. In a way, I think that's what makes it fun. It's more inspired by AMND than it is a production of it. The costumes are lots of fun, the pace is fast (but not too fast), and the overall spirit is very lighthearted. Rene Moreno's direction is, unsurprisingly, quite good.

Forky's performance is, of course, fantastic--and this is a very Puck-centric production. Forky's Puck is a cross between David Bowie and the Emcee from Cabaret. He really did a great job of keeping the show moving along, and constantly kept the energy level very high. He sang his solos very well and with apparent confidence, and did a great job "selling" what were not great songs. I know he has been slightly worried about all those solos, but I don't see why--they sounded terrific. I know what you're thinking, "You're biased, as you are Forky's friend and the president of his unofficial fanclub (JFUFC members, unite!)." And, you have a point. Still, I think even totally unbiased observers will agree with me on these points.

And now, of course, something must be said of the abs. They were truly a sight to behold. Indeed, at times it seemed that they were the real star of the show. (Forky's costume is little more than a pair of tiny white pants and a smile.) For long-time friends, this effect is slightly disconcerting, like when Ned Flanders takes off his shirt. But, to be sure, all the hard work and compulsive behavior has paid off; the abs are truly inspiring. That said, Forky, when the show is over, I would like to feed you a big plate of cookies--you look hungry!

The rest of the performances ranged from workable to terrific. There weren't any big disappointments in the cast, though there were some odd choices. The oddest was the direction they took Bottom (in this production, "Nick Bottom, the lawn guy"). He had a truly outrageous Mexican accent. I have no problem with this as a whole, but it was so over-the-top, it made his lines pretty hard to understand. When he turned into an ass and developed donkey teeth and an accompanying lisp, I couldn't understand anything he said, and had to resort to playing the scene from memory in my head. Oh, and in said "ass" scenes, he wore a truly disturbing costume, which some have rightly compared to Nacho Libre. It was pretty funny, but I'm glad I wasn't sitting in the front during the high kicks!

Fellow Alma Mater U. grad Steve Walters was a standout as a geeky Lysander in "Where's Waldo" stripes and glasses. His understanding of the material was evident, his choices strong, and his voice particularly suited to this type of music. Another standout was the girl who played Helena (sorry, too lazy to look up her name!)--she did a great job capturing the self-effacing humor of the character and had the only truly catchy number in the show, a very cute song in the first act.

Of course, I need not tell you that Denise Lee was terrific as Titania. Her singing rocked just as hard as her Diana Ross wig, and her stage presence is really impressive. Oberon did indeed pale in comparison, but hey--what are you gonna do?

The main problem I had with the show is that the direction and performances were largely better than the material. (I don't mean they're better than Shakespeare's play, I mean they were better than this particular musical.) In my opinion, the music is not anything to write home about. It has aged rather badly and there are few numbers that are catchy or memorable. Several of them are positively unmelodic. And, for the sake of brevity and music, quite a bit is either rushed or completely cut from the play. In some instances it might leave someone who is unfamiliar with the play scratching his head and going, "How did that guy grow donkey ears again?" One other issue is that the sound guy did nobody any favors. I don't know much about sound technology, and I'm sure it's really hard to get things right outdoors, but everybody in the cast suffered from--well, I can only say, the sound was thin and tinny where it should have been full. Strangely, I really noticed this with Denise--she has those gorgeous low notes and you could barely hear them at all.

On the whole, it was a fun, if slightly frivolous, evening of "Shakespeare Lite." Like I said, a sweet bag of Skittles to end a summer evening. I think children and families will particularly like the show, and it is a great introduction to Shakespeare for the uninitiated. Thumbs up!

ENVY!

Nobody ever mails me fingers anymore. *Sigh*

Bird Flu hits South Florida!

Soon You Will Know

N.O. and I will be in the audience of A Sidmummer Night's Dream: the Musical tomorrow night.  Therefore, Wednesday morning, you can expect a comprehensive critical review of the show right here at An Awfully Big Adventure.  Will Forky shine, or will he suck?  You'll learn the truth, right here.  I'm sure Forky has nothing to worry about.  (But, just to be on the safe side, flowers and presents would not go amiss.)

LeVar Burton Says...

You know the very best thing about today?
It's Friday! But you don't have to take my word for it...

Intercepted Celebrity Email!!!

From: Mia Farrow <rosemary68@sinatrafan.com>
To: Angelina Jolie <unicefmama@jolie-pitt.nam>

Date: June 16, 2006 12:34:24
Subject: The Best Mommy in the Whole Wide World!!!!!!!!

Dear Angelina:
Congratulations to you and what's-his-name on the birth of little Shiloh. I think that's really sweet. I had a dog named Shiloh once; it's a great name. I'm also really excited about all your wonderful works with the UN. I mean, it's definitely a better image to cultivate than "Billy-Bob marrying self-mutilator" or "Gia/Tomb Raider/Girl, Interrupted star." (I know, you won an Oscar for that last one, but let's face it, your pornographic pillow lips won that Oscar, not your performance, honey. Just being honest! LOVE YOU!!!!!)

Also, I think it's just super that you've adopted two orphans from impoverished areas of the world. I even thought it was a great idea when I did it, decades ago! Oh, what, did you forget? Because I haven't been getting too much press lately? Well, just a little reminder. It's been done. And it's been done better than you will ever do it. That's right, bitch. Fourteen--count 'em--FOURTEEN frickin' adorable little wide-eyed waifs from all over the world. (Well, some of them may be my biological kids, but frankly, at this point, who knows?)

So my message to you is, you think you're some kind of U.N.-goddess, benevolent, one-world mother-of-the-year? All I can say to that is:

BRING IT, BITCH.

A picture of me and just a few of my darlings.

LOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!,

Mia.

PS: A word to the wise. They don't stay babies forever. Install nanny-cams in Zahara's room now and keep what's-his-name on a short leash. -MF (MotherFarrow)

Fun with Sign Language Man, II

That cute

waitress

understands

sign language?

Awkward.

prayer request

Hi, everyone--just a quick prayer request for those of you who are so inclined.  Please pray for my aunt and her family today.  For the past couple of years, they have been a foster family to a toddler with some serious physical problems.  The little girl has just been adopted, so yesterday they had to say goodbye to her.  Obviously, the adoption is a blessing, but it's been really hard for them to part with her.  On the same day, my aunt had to go to the hospital after being sick and dizzy for three days.  They ran some tests at the hospital and think she may have had an aneurysm or a stroke.  They're going to run an MRI today, but this news has everyone extremely worried and is coming at an especially bad time with having to say goodbye to the baby.

 

Thanks for your prayers!

Attention Shakespeare fans:

Google Launches Web Site Devoted to Shakespeare

Thursday, June 15, 2006 LOS ANGELES — "How beauteous mankind is!" For lovers of William Shakespeare, memorizing one of Hamlet's soliloquies or recalling whether "The Tempest" is a romance or a tragedy just got easier. Web search leader Google (GOOG) on Wednesday launched a site devoted entirely to the Bard, http://www.google.com/shakespeare , that allows U.S. users to browse through the full texts of his 37 plays. Readers can even plug in words, such as "to be or not to be" from "Hamlet," and immediately be taken to that part of the play. The site, which was introduced in conjunction with Google's sponsorship of New York City's "Shakespeare in the Park" performance series, also provides links to related scholarly research, Internet groups and even videos of theater performances of Shakespeare plays. It also encourages users to "take a literary field trip" by searching for London's Shakespeare's Globe Theater on Google Earth, which combines satellite imagery, maps and a search engine to find historic locations around the world. Google Book Search, the Google product which houses the Shakespeare site, allows users to view books or parts of books through their Web browsers if the copyright has expired or a publisher has given permission to do so.   The Shakespeare site provides links to available editions of each play, many of which users can then preview or buy, Google said.

The intern thinks my name is "Hey"

Which is fine (no it isn't) except that I made a point of learning her name, because I thought referring to her as "Intern" would be rude.  I know that she actually knows my name, because whenever someone tells her to "ask A-Dub" this or that, she manages to locate me.  She just addresses me exclusively as "Hey."

 

Ah, well.  Other than that, she's fine.  Besides, she's Midwestern, so I suppose I can't hold her to the same standards to which I hold normal people.

 

In other news, I mightily offended an extremely stinky bum in Office Max this weekend.  Who knew I had such power?  All I had to do was walk by him!  N.O. and I have begun packing for our move, but were running dangerously low on packing tape, so I headed to Office Max to pick up some tape and a few other packing necessities.  I hadn't fixed my hair (natch), so I was hiding out under an Alma Mater U. baseball cap.  It was sort of tan with the school name in black embroidery--very unassuming.  However, stinky homeless guy didn't think so.  "Don't want no Alma Mater U!" he grumbled toothlessly as he headed toward the door (presumably after determining that Office Max could not meet his office supply needs after all).  "Hate them damn Baptists!"  He didn't stop there, either.  He continued to noisily decry Baptists and Alma Mater U.-affiliated people and things for quite some time, until he was out of earshot.

 

I don't know what made him so bitter toward us.  Maybe he was denied tenure? 

 

Nancy Reagan says...

Have a lovely weekend, kids! And remember,
Just Say No!

When He's Sixty-Four

Well, it's here (or will be on Sunday). The big one--the one we've all been waiting for... Paul McCartney's 64th birthday. Right about now, "Macca" as he is fondly known in the British tabloids, is probably wishing he'd never written that song in the first place. As some have pointed out, 64 ain't what it used to be. Who would have thought that instead of digging weeds outside a little cottage in the Isle of Wight, he'd be fighting off impertinent questions about whether his soon-to-be-ex-wife used to be a high-dollar whore, or that instead of balancing little grandchildren (Vera, Chuck, Dave) upon his knee, he'd be chucking another toddler daughter of his own under the chin? And Lord knows it's been quite some time since he's had to scrimp or save anything. On the whole, I guess Paul has had it pretty good--a loving family, apparent good health, and, well, to say he's had a successful career is putting it pretty mildly! He's lived an awful lot in his not-particularly-long 64 years. There have certainly been some ups and downs, but I'm sure he'll bounce right back. Happy Birthday, Sir Paul, and here's to a happier 65th year.

Fun with Sign Language Man

This shirt

and these pants

look stupid

together.

I'm so embarrassed!

Danny must be so embarrassed right now.

Remember when Jenna Elfman was just a mildly annoying "actress" on a supremely stupid TV sitcom? I once got a very Jenna Elfman/Dharma-inspired haircut back in late 1997.

I rocked this haircut almost nine(!) years ago.

Sadly, now she is a raving loon. Most recently, this has been demonstrated by a foaming-at-the-mouth, Scientology-inspired public tirade by Ms. Elfman and her husband Bodhi (Danny's nephew). I just... so wish I could have been there to see this myself.

By the way, apparently AIDS is not a disease, it's just a state of mind. Well, that's great! Somebody ought to tell all the people with AIDS all they have to do is concentrate on Lord Xenu and cleanse their thetans! Whew! What a relief!

"Overheard in Our Living Room," or, "Isn't it Romantic?"

N.O. is sitting on the couch, half-asleep/half-watching some elephant show on the National Geographic Channel.

N.O.: I just want to tell you how much I love you.

A-Dub (teasing): Oh? Okay, how much?

N.O.: As much as those elephants need to lick the salt off cave walls.

Eurotrash, unite!

I'm so excited about the World Cup. Yeah, it's kinda boring and the makeup of the crowds makes you fear for the future of the human race. But it also has some things going for it. For one thing, it's not as bad as NASCAR.

Also, the players are really quite trendy, and it's fun to see the chic soccer styles of other countries (hairstyles vary, but waxed eyebrows are apparently popular worldwide).

Most importantly, the World Cup gives a chance for all the other countries in the world to be better at something than we are. That must make them feel good inside.

Go, soccer! Bend it like Beckham!

Juicy Update!

As of today, OJ Simpson has spent exactly 12 years looking for the "real killers." Good luck with that, buddy!

Things that annoy me, part 92

Not to get all feminist or anything, but I find it so annoying when journalists use the word "Co-ed" to describe a female college student. Haven't most schools been coeducational for a pretty long time now? Using it to describe, say, a co-ed intramural basketball tournament is one thing, but, particularly since there are now more women on college campuses than men, isn't it about time that we drop the special word and just refer to them as "students?"

Cab Ride from Hell: Coed killed, 3 pals injured in out-of-control taxi on W. Side
Cops Probing Tiffany Souers' Slaying Turn to Co-Ed's Computer
Serial Killer to Stand Trial for Stabbing Death of College Coed

Yakov Smirnoff says...

In Soviet Russia, weekend enjoys you!

How to be Pretentious (first part in a regular series)

Say "sacked" instead of "fired." But do not use "pay rise" in place of "pay raise"--that would be taking it too far.

Pretend not to know who Ryan Seacrest is.

Own all Nigella Lawson's books, even if you don't cook.

Be an oenophile, but refuse to drink pinot noir because you don't want anyone to think you've jumped on the Sideways bandwagon.

Prefer Footballers' Wives to Desperate Housewives, but only watch ironically.

Use meretricious words when unostentatious words will do.

If a friend tells you he found Jim Jarmusch's Broken Flowers boring or pointless, judge him. Harshly.

Congratulations! By taking these few simple steps, you have embarked on a journey to becoming totally insufferable! Until next time, ciao bella!

**BONUS TIP!** Italicize foreign words and phrases in all writings.

Do you think he would accept an FAO-Schwartz gift card?

My new hobby

Lately, when anyone says something to me and I don't know what they're talking about, instead of saying, "Wait, I'm not sure we're on the same page," or otherwise asking for clarification, I just hold an entire meaningless conversation with them. It's really fun. You should try it.

Overheard in the bathroom of Everycity Children's Theater, and two unrelated items

Kid: Teacher? Did you have to go potty, too?
Teacher (who is about 16): Um, no. That's somebody else.
Kid: Is it a stranger? I don't like strangers, 'cause they're so scary.
Teacher: (pause) You don't have to be nervous. I think it's just someone who works here.
Scary Stranger: (who just caught on that this barely-attended-to conversation is about me) (amused silence.)
(Pause.)
Teacher: [Kid's name], are you almost done?
Kid: Um, there's something I have to tell you.
Teacher (sensing what is coming): Y-y-yeeesss?
Kid: My mom always... helps me. When I'm done going. She doesn't like it when I do it myself 'cause I'm not good at it yet.
Teacher (panicking a little): Can you please try? I need you to try. It isn't hard.
(Long Pause.)
Kid: I need your help.

Seriously, parents. If your kid cannot use the bathroom alone, he/she should not be attending day camp, regardless of your desire to have him/her out of the house. It's not the intern's job to wipe your kid's behind! Ah, summer. There's a reason I've always worked in an office, far away from the kids.

In other news, this from the Daily Mail article, "English Mascot Chosen... to Lead Out Germany!": "Mr Harris, a rag-and-bone man, stressed it was still a "brilliant" prize for the boy." A what now?! Seriously? Okay, I looked it up in Wikipedia, and apparently in the UK, the phrase is still used as a term for a junk seller. But is it really official enough to be used in a newspaper? It sounds just awful. Makes me think of some grizzled Tom-o'-Bedlam type drooling on a street corner.

And finally, item three: the coolest thing I've ever seen.

Amen to that.

This is very important.

It is really very important that you read this.

Bee Update!

The winner was the refreshingly normal Katharine "Kari" Close, who took the top spot of the three final contestants: all cute, seemingly normal girls. (Although one of them was Canadian.) Close's win instantly spawned hundreds of annoying puns like, "Close Call!"

Speaking of the Canadian, she came in second. Which meant she almost won! Whew, that was close. It would have been embarrassing to have a Canadian win our national spelling bee, though I do think it's nice of us to let them in. Incidentally, it's a good thing she didn't win, as her surname is Hackett. You can imagine the headlines: "She can Hackett!" Some of those puns were uttered by the commentators. Incidentally, a spelling bee really does not need commentators.

Anyway, the word Finola Hackett, aka The Canadian, got eliminated on was a word that has been featured right here at An Awfully Big Adventure: weltschmerz.

By the way, ABC is stupid. Airing the bee for the first time (it's usually carried on ESPN), they decided to make it more dramatic by having the parents sit onstage. This was a complete failure, since they failed to bring out any chairs for the contestants to sit on once they were eliminated. This was obviously a conscious decision and would have been easily remedied, since there was obviously some major chair-moving going on: during commercial breaks the chairs of the eliminated contestants were removed from the contestants' area. So, each time a speller missed a word and had to leave the competition, instead of being allowed to leave the stage and go to the interview area or just go cry in the bathroom like they probably wanted to, they had to sheepishly wander up to their parents who would hug them, then try to share a chair or make space on the floor! It was a complete cluster, and in one painful instance led a child in need of a hug to awkwardly sit on/straddle his clearly embarrassed mother. Kid: straddling your mother on live television is a really good way to get beat up when you go back to school next year.

But other than ABC's idiocy, the show was great. Yay! You're all winners! (Especially you.)

Hardcore

cupcake porn.

Charo Says...

TGIF, everybody! Cuchi-cuchi!

Adorable, or terrifying? You decide.

I have a feeling this Buster Brown Valentine's Day card is meant to be sweet, but I find the bloody-looking message painted on the wall to be a bit... insistent. (No "please be my Valentine" here-- "I WANT YOU TO BE MY VALENTINE" in all caps. It just seems like he's been caught just before he got to finish his masterwork by tacking on an "or else" at the bottom.)

Additionally, what is up with the demon dog? That dog is not cute. He is lecherously leering, like he can't wait to get the treat he's been promised from that chum bucket. "It doesn't seem to be a secret," he sarcastically hisses through bared teeth. No, buddy. The secret's out. The dorky outfit and gay haircut have gone to Buster's head, and he's become a fully-fledged stalker. Ritualistic serial murder cannot be far behind.

Be vigilant, Little Orphan Annie. Keep your eyes peeled. Although--

Oh, Annie! NO! I didn't mean it literally! Ugh.

Fasten your seatbelts.

It's going to be a ... well, you know.

C-O-I-N-C-I-D-E-N-C-E

Tuesday night, after N.O. and I spent the day helping move e-dub into her new apartment in "Jerusalem on the Brazos," N.O. went out for the evening with his old friend, LegalEagle, to watch the Mavs get slaught-- um, I mean, play. So I decided to completely veg out and clean out the TiVo. There were several movies in there I had recorded ages ago that I had not gotten around to watching. I haven't been able to work up the courage to view The Killing Fields quite yet, so I landed on one that didn't sound like it would demand much of me or my slightly fragile nerves--Spellbound. Not the Hitchcock/Ingrid Bergman/Gregory Peck Spellbound-- which I would not recommend to anyone with slightly fragile nerves--but the 2002 documentary about the Scripps National Spelling Bee. I had been hearing for some time about how fantastic this documentary was, and it has been sitting in the TiVo for months, so I was happy to finally get the chance to see it.

It was phenomenal. There is nothing fancy about the film. The filmmakers just follow eight youngsters (all between the ages of 12 and 14, I think) as they prepare for and compete in the 1999 national bee. These kids are impressive, funny, relatable, and interesting. They come from extremely diverse circumstances (Angela is the daughter of Mexican immigrants in the Texas panhandle, while Emily is a New Haven, Connecticut equestrian with an au pair) but the film doesn't ever take sides. Nor do the filmmakers judge the parents of these kids for allowing them to take part in a competition that is surprisingly brutal. They do a good job of coaxing great moments from the competitors and their families. Some are touching, as when one parent talks about how her child has a hard time fitting in at school, yet has made lasting friendships with other kids just like her through the spelling bee. Some are funny--particularly my favorite speller, April, a dry, introverted kid who says things like (paraphrase), "Sometimes my parents remind me of the Bunkers from All in the Family, like how Archie always yelled at Edith for being so dumb." This is followed by a poignantly funny scene in which April's mom, who bears a resemblance to Edith Bunker and thinks her "B-E-E Happy" magnet is really witty, sits on the couch discussing her immense pride in April, completely oblivious to the fact that her small terrier is licking her leg with joyous abandon. In other hands, a character like April's mom could become a joke. In this film, she is a completely sympathetic character whose life is driven by love for her daughter. She genuinely doesn't care if April wins, she just wants her to develop some self-confidence and have a good time.

I guess a small part of why I enjoyed this movie so much was that it took me back to my own spelling days. I barely participated in the Scripps bee--I easily won my tiny school's hastily-thrown-together competition and went to regionals at my mother's insistence, but got out pretty quickly. I considered myself too cool for geeky academic pursuits like that at the time, so I didn't study at all and was just really happy when I got cut. But later, in high school, I was wangled into joining my school's UIL spelling/vocabulary team. I still really hesitated, as I considered it boring and nerdy, and much preferred working on my other event, Prose Interpretation. But the team was really good, and one of my predecessors had won state the previous year, so I let them talk me into it. I'm not going to say it was the most fun experience I ever had in my life, but it did become pretty enjoyable, and my vocabulary grew exponentially. (Unlike the Scripps bee, the UIL competition does require one to know the definitions of words as well, for the vocabulary section of the test.) We did go to state that year (1998), and my team took first. Individually, I placed second behind my teammate and close friend, Stephen. (I would have tied with Stephen for first, but for a stupid mistake--I carelessly misspelled an easy word--tyranny. I've hated that word ever since.) In the grand scheme of things, this competition wasn't remotely important. I have NOT been dwelling on my victory ever since. But, it was a really positive experience for me, academically and personally, so when I see those kids up there spelling their hearts out, I want to shout, "Go, kids, go! Spell! Spell!"

Oh, and the coincidence I mentioned? After watching the film, I googled the event to find out when this year's national competition would take place. It was starting the very next night (which was last night). The final rounds will be aired tonight on ABC.