How to be Pretentious (first part in a regular series)
Say "sacked" instead of "fired." But do not use "pay rise" in place of "pay raise"--that would be taking it too far.
Pretend not to know who Ryan Seacrest is.
Own all Nigella Lawson's books, even if you don't cook.
Be an oenophile, but refuse to drink pinot noir because you don't want anyone to think you've jumped on the Sideways bandwagon.
Prefer Footballers' Wives to Desperate Housewives, but only watch ironically.
Use meretricious words when unostentatious words will do.
If a friend tells you he found Jim Jarmusch's Broken Flowers boring or pointless, judge him. Harshly.
Congratulations! By taking these few simple steps, you have embarked on a journey to becoming totally insufferable! Until next time, ciao bella!
**BONUS TIP!** Italicize foreign words and phrases in all writings.
posted by AmberO at Sleeping is for Sissies at 11:24 AM
6 comment(s)
from:
Tracy,
Queen, III,
Fork,
Bibb Leo File,
,
AmberO at Sleeping is for Sissies,
6 Comments:
You have impeccable judgment when it comes to illuminating us commoners in how to properly project pretention. Don't you love alliteration, dahling? I hope your evening is muy tranquila, guapa!
This is great advice!!! I've always wondered how I could be MORE pretentious! I always thought it impossible until now!
Actually, the rules of grammar state that you should italicize foreign words so your readers know they're not speaking English anymore.
I'd love to help you with your next list! I LOVE being--er--I mean...PRETENDING to be pretentious!
Word verification: Syuprb!
Quel amusant, a-dub. But verily, you were negligent in your aforementioned assessment of pretension. One must always employ the tres chic third person pronoun "one" as often as one plausibly can (Ipso facto). In addition, the ubiquitous utilization of the transitional element "indeed" serves as yet another hallmark for the snob-about-town. Indeed.
Yes, Forky, I was about to state the same thing! Italicizing foreign words and phrases isn't pretentious; it's grammatically correct, according to the Modern Language Association...okay, so maybe it's a LITTLE pretentious.
Ah, you're right--it is technically correct. Mea culpa! Mea culpa!
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