Check out the latest additions.

I've just added some fun new stuff to the sidebar! It will serve the dual purpose of showing you what I'm up to (like you care!) and keeping me relatively on-task.

lay off the smack

I know this is going to be hard for you, but next time you see Osama, try to resist the urge to kiss him.

Flock of seagulls.

The culprit (artist's rendering)

As I walked into Target today, chatting on the cell phone with my mom (I know, you hate me for talking and shopping, but come on... everybody does it once in a while), I had to duck to keep from getting swooped by four large seagulls. I mentioned the fact on the phone to my mother, safely at home 300 miles south, and she derided me. "Seagulls? I don't think so. Come on, Everycity is hundreds of miles from the ocean. Are you sure they weren't pigeons?"

Firstly, I have lived in Stinktown long enough to recognize a pigeon when I see one, and secondly, seagulls are rather difficult to mistake, aren't they? The pretty ivory-and-gray colorway and singularly graceful lines coupled with the horrific calls and genuinely disgusting habits--well, once you have seen one seagull, you pretty much recognize them from then on out. Besides, seagulls have lived at that Target and the nearby Everycity Children's Theater for ages. N.O. and I also recently saw some at the Tom Thumb. I guess they're attracted by the nice high light poles they can live on and the abundance of edible treats dropped by cackhanded toddlers in parking lots.

Tap, tap... Hulloooo out there!

You should have seen me, after leaving the store, pushing my cart around the parking lot with one hand, staring up into the sky, trying to snap a cell phone picture to prove my incredulous mother wrong (I got a couple, but they were lousy, and I haven't figured out how to send them anyway). Combine my seagull mania with the facts that in the midst of my search I got another call and that I was distractedly trying to load my purchases into the back of N.O.'s truck (he took my car to H-town today) while still scanning the sky--well, the end results of my searching were about six amused/worried stares from strangers and one misplaced shopping bag. I hope whoever found my belongings (two-pack of Dove deodorant, two boxes of Kleenex, disposable razors, and the birthday card I got for a girl at work) enjoys them very much.

But the whole thing has got me thinking: what ARE seagulls doing here anyway? I've always thought of them as the rats of the seashore--something those swells who live on the beach have to live with, just because God doesn't believe in anyone having it too good. We've got enough problems here--traffic, crime, jerks, trash, and a Klown Kolledge where City Hall should be. Plus, we've got pigeons! Must we really suffer seagulls, too? I think next time I go to Target, I'm bringing the BB gun. Come on, would anyone really mind?

In the meantime, read this scary article about seagulls invading urban areas in the UK (even leading to one death!) and try not to quiver.

me, Target parking lot (artist's rendering)

No longer dying.

Well, no more than the usual, one-day-closer-to-death way, anyway. And it's Friday! And the sun's out! Harooo!

However, this week I have been so determinedly one day ahead (I was CERTAIN Wednesday was Thursday and Thursday was Friday), that it actually sort of feels like I'm about to go in to work on a Saturday, which is a little bit of a downer.

So, here's what's on my mind today. What is with the news? We can only have one story at a time? I am so indescribably sick of this Dubai World Ports thing. Just like one week ago I thought I might perish if I had to listen to one more word about Vice President Cheney's hunting accident. How about some other stories here and there. Like the weird rash of fake-memoirist scandals that are going on right now--not only James Frey, but J.T. Le Roy and Nasdijj. Or the mayor of London being suspended from office for anti-Semitic comments. And, of course, it would kill any major news source to do a story about the thousands of Christians who are persecuted each year in the communist world. Not that the UAE ports thing isn't important. I'm just tired of this obvious cycle we're in where each news source is exactly the same as all the others--they all just read or watch each other to see which news they should report and as a result there is absolute homogeneity in news. Kinda feels like somebody's not doing his job.

i'm dyyyiiiiingggg

I didn't even know kidneys could get infected. Ow. owww. ooooooooow.

ionmkhjou07yiknb'p

Oh, sorry. That was just my face hitting the keyboard. I blacked out a little from the pain.

Pray for me.

This says it all.

A little treat for Arrested Development fans.

www.imnoscar.com

An Awfully Nice Weekend

It was great to see Forky, Queen III, and Queen III's secret boyfriend at the Arrested Development wake on Friday night. It was very fun, if slightly sad. But I think it went out with a lot of dignity and humor.

Saturday, went down to Littlecity to see our former acting professor and mentor appear onstage in A. R. Gurney's Love Letters. As expected, she was simply brilliant, as was her friend and castmate. It was wonderful to see many old friends there and meet a couple of new ones as well.

Said professor is now the Executive Director of the Lone Star Chapter of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. She told me they are now in the midst of a major fundraising campaign, and that every little amount would help as they strive to reach a very big goal in a rather short timeframe. If you'd like to help out with this very worthy cause, checks may be sent to:

Cystic Fibrosis Foundation

Lone Star Chapter

8620 North New Braunfels

Suite 110

San Antonio, Texas 78217

Even just $25 can get this great organization that much closer to their goal, and, more importantly, make a big difference to families of kids who are suffering from this terrible illness.

T-shirt slogan idea.

"Real Cowboys Dig Chicks"

Whaddaya think? Too soon?

Worst. Idea. Ever.

The public relations geniuses over at the Vatican have decided that the best person to set Pope John Paul II's prayers to music is everyone's favorite has-been pop superstar, Michael Jackson. Of course, MJ is currently some kind of Muslim or something, but I guess Michael Jackson and the Catholic Church do have something in common... a history of nasty child molestation scandals. This just has "dream team" written all over it!

What other pairings could possibly top this? Diana Ross and Michelle Rodriguez doing charity events for MADD? Paris Hilton as a spokeswoman for Focus on the Family?

The story:

Jackson To Release Pope Prayers?
Pop superstar Michael Jackson has been asked by the Roman Catholic Church to set the prayers of the late Pope John Paul II to music. The 47-year-old singer was chosen to write music for the 24 prayers and chants, after Vatican officials decided his global celebrity would best promote their holy message. Father Giuseppe Moscati says, "We have the rights for the 24 prayers written by Pope John Paul. We had hoped the fact that we have been in contact with Michael Jackson would remain a secret. But sadly it has leaked out ahead of time. We are in discussions and trying to sort it out." The priest, who is head of the Millennium Music Society, insisted Jackson's hard-won battle against child molestation charges did not discount him as a candidate. He adds, "He was cleared and found not guilty by a jury. Michael Jackson is very interested in this project - we shall see what happens."

I'm Still Here!

Sorry no new posts in a while. I've been a wee bit distracted. Among this week's accomplishments? Finalized my application to Baylor's Graduate Journalism program and drove down there to have a meeting with the program director. All seems to be going well so far. Keep your fingers crossed! I've also been keeping busy doing lots of freelancing, and they're paying me generously per hour, so I'm not going to waste any of their money by blogging from work.

Sadly, work time seems to be the only time I can ever think of anything to write about. So I'll leave you with this thought: this weekend's SNL host is Steve Martin, and the musical guest is Prince! It's like it's 1987 all over again! With a couple of people with actual chops on board, maybe... just maybe... this episode won't suck. Of course, unless Steve Martin writes the episode, I'm not holding out much hope. Meanwhile, I'll practice my mantra: Please, please, please don't let them put Steve Martin in that horrible "Deep House Dish" skit!

PS. Happy birthday, Queen III!