An Open Letter to America

Dear America:

I love you. From sea to shining sea, I think you are a plucky, creative, and shrewd people. But you have me really worried here. I think you might be on the verge of making a huge mistake.

You're about to vote another contestant off American Idol. Please, please let it be Taylor Hicks. Or, if you can't muster that up, at least Kellie Pickler. A few weeks ago, I begged you to throw off Bucky, Ace, and Taylor, in whatever order you chose. You kindly complied with the first two, (THANKS!) but I have real worries that you may be about to abandon our plan and kick off someone good instead, like Paris or Elliott.

I know Paris's performances can be kind of all over the place, but at 17 she can outsing most of the people in this competition. With her song choices, she's like a kid trying on clothes, many of them a little too big for her. But her natural gifts and odd tenacity make her worthy of a couple more weeks. This kid has a big future.

Elliott, too, has his problems. He never looks entirely comfortable onstage. He isn't handsome. But don't let these weaknesses overshadow the fact that he can sing, perhaps better than anyone else on the competition. I don't think he will win. But I'm beginning to think maybe he should. Last night, he was outstanding. And he gets better every week.

Which brings us to Taylor. Taylor does not get better every week. He started weak and has consistenly skated by on weird dance moves and alleged "personality." I am completely baffled. While I wholeheartedly endorse the public's rallying around a prematurely grey-haired man (silver is sexy, right, girls?!), I do not understand pretending a bad singer is a good singer. Taylor isn't horrible. He just isn't special. He's very "wedding singer" or (as Simon said last night) "hotel lounge." He's someone you'd book to play your high school reunion in Texarkana, not a potential superstar. There's nothing wrong with wedding singers or high school reunion band frontmen. They just shouldn't strut around like they're mentally preparing their Grammy acceptance speeches 24/7. And they don't belong in the top five of American Idol.

Last night I had hopes that Taylor would annoy me less than usual-- at least he wouldn't be dancing--and I suppose I was less perturbed than usual. But he looked and sounded tired. It was like he couldn't really be bothered to make much of an effort. I won't say much about the perils of his weird velvet blazer (in late April? In LA?!) because I don't want to focus on that stuff (and because all the singers are prone to dressing stupidly). However, I will point out that Taylor's propensity to dress to match his hair (every week!) and to wear clothes that would look silly even on a much younger, much slimmer fellow, does look rather conspicuously studied.

America, if you can't find it in your hearts to vote Taylor off the show this week, please, please vote off Kellie Pickler instead. She's another one we need to have a talk about. The dumb act was cute at first, but it's become grating. It's gotten her this far, and she's made it painfully apparent the last few weeks that she doesn't have the chops to compete with Katharine, Chris, Paris, or Elliott on her talent.

So, this week and next week, Taylor and Kellie must go. Please. I'm begging you. I can only text-message so many times.

Sincerely,
A-Dub