Somebody call the Australian police!

Okay, maybe I've been reading too much Crime Library, but this story about Heath Ledger sounds like a desperate plea for help from a man teetering on the brink of infanticide.

New Dad Ledger's Life Is "Food and Sleeping"
Hollywood heart-throb Heath Ledger is reveling in his new role as a father, even though his waking hours are now devoted to preparing food and washing up. He says, "My life right now is ... I wouldn't say reduced to food but my duties in life are that I wake up, cook breakfast, clean the dishes, prepare lunch, clean those dishes, go to the market, get fresh produce, cook dinner, clean those dishes and then sleep if I can. And I love it. I actually adore it." After taking his new family to celebrate Christmas in Montana with Williams' parents, Ledger plans to take baby Matilda to his native Australia. He adds, "Next year my hope is to spend as much time in Australia as possible. I want to introduce Matilda to the ocean."

Let’s read between the lines, here. “Introduce Matilda to the ocean?!” He’s going to toss her in! I’m sure he’ll pretend it was a horrific accident (and it won’t do any damage to his career—Eric Clapton, anyone?), but seriously--doesn't that "I adore it" part feel a little tacked on, like a "just kidding"? Can't you just picture him manically laughing and hugging baby just a little too hard, his usual dim-bulb expression flickering a little psycho?

"Return from whence you came!"